Chinese Movies Are Mostly Bad. Mostly.

Such is the thought running through my head. I mentioned earlier (to Tessie) that a lot of it is due to the lack of or subtle musical cues throughout most of the film, and the fact that most of them end with some kind of swelling, melodramatic number at the very end, usually after someone dies. Almost always someone dies, and I'm not feeling very compassionate today, so what some generous reviewer on Netflix called "the Chinese Brokeback Mountain" had little effect on me. I found myself reading the member reviews for I Know Who Killed Me instead, which is the Worst Movie I Have Ever Seen (including The Grudge, The Ring, and that one Halloween movie that wasn't about Michael Myers).

It's been a long time since I've seen a decent horror movie, really. Both the remake of Friday the 13th and My Bloody Valentine (IN 3-D!!) were pretty terrible. F13 pushed me over my tit-limit for the night (six nipples), and while MBV in 3-D!! had some good gory scenes, I gave the script more credit than it deserved. It pulled the old "this is so obvious that you won't guess the end because it's too obvious" trick. Kind of like the old Fear Street chapter-books by R.L. Stine. It's always the protagonist chick's crazy nerdy stalker.

The next movie on my list is The Last House on the Left. I have said many times that I only want to see if they left in the castration (penectomy?) scene where the mom bites the killer's weenie off. However, the trailer did show someone's head in a microwave, and God knows I haven't seen a good microwave death since Ghost in the Machine--over sixteen years ago. (You know the one--the serial killer dies during an MRI test when the machine is struck by lightning, trapping his soul forever in what the 90s thought of as "cyberspace." Somehow, the chick's address book [back when people had those] gets lost in there too, so the killer starts killing her friends through increasingly complicated methods by sneaking in through their electronic devices. Which, at the time, was limited mostly to dishwashers and other household appliances.)

But in any case, I hold very few hopes about The Last House on the Left. More as it develops.