Rampo Noir

The Netflix selection for this week has been Rampo Noir, a series of four short films all based off the writer, Rampo Edogawa.  All the stories feature in some way the actor Tadanobu Asano.  The shorts are all beautifully shot and directed by different directors, the stories strange and eccentric the way only Japanese films are.  The first short is called "Mars's Canal," which has no audio.  A naked man wanders around a swamp, remembering a lover who may or may not be dead.  It runs about five minutes.  Basically, it's a lingering shot of a pond and the naked man spliced with a cutaway scene of the man beating the crap out of a woman.  It's actually hard to tell them apart, which also brings doubt to who exactly is beating the crap out of who.  I think that's the point, though.  It sets the mood of the rest of the movie, which is "Good God, this is going to be an excruciating two hours, probably for very little pay-off."  I was worried that it was going to be too weird to appreciate the horror, but I was pleasantly surprised.

"Mirror Hell" shows a serial killer obsessed with the making of hand mirrors.  This one was "eh."  It had the feel of a mystery or whodunit.  In any case, he makes the mirrors with some kind of stone that vibrates at a high frequency, so anyone who stares at their reflection long enough in one, their face is microwaved.  I was disappointed that the audience never sees the faces.  I can't decide whether to put this down under microwave-death or not.  The conclusion of this one--in which the serial killer jumps through a two-way mirror while being interrogated is the high point of the film.  From there, it's a descent into utter insanity.

The next one, "Caterpillar," depicts the relationship between a sadistic woman and her crippled, veteran husband.  Look carefully at that sentence because it is tricky.  The man has no arms or legs, and no ability to speak.  His wife beats him with a riding crop when he puts up a fuss.  She divides her time between her husband and a young man living in the same mansion.  He's some kind of artist.  The segment concludes with the revelation that the wife actually dismembered her husband so that "he wouldn't have to return to war."  She allows the young man to take her arms and legs, and it ends with him pushing her in a baby carriage into the sunset.  So romantic.

The film ends with "Crawling Bugs," in which a germophobic young chauffeur falls in love with his charge, a famous stage actress.  He spies on her while she's with her lover, who apparently loves to do dirty things with her--as in, putting leeches on her and rubbing her feet with rotting vegetables.  Like you do.  The chauffeur wants to rescue her from all of that, and he does so by killing her.  He keeps the corpse, only to be horrified that she starts to rot.  He makes several attempts to stop this from happening, including painting her with acrylic paint, but it is revealed that the fantasy land he lived in was, you know, fantasy.  He's actually keeping her in his apartment.  This one ends with the police dragging him across the room where he's keeping her, and where he had placed his head into her swollen body cavity.  Yes.

Because Rampo Noir gave me more than a few "aw-AWWW" moments, I have to give it a few stars.  Three or four.  I feel guilty using the same scale I use with American horror movies for this one, since it is something completely different.  Victim count and breast count are moot because, while there is nudity, it isn't meant to titillate, and it doesn't concern itself by making a high body count.  I would recommend this to the impatient (it is over 2 hours long), but if you have a few hours to devote to watching Rampo Noir, I would recommend it, just so you can see something entirely different from what you've ever scene.  However, knowing my audience, I can safely say that none of you would like this movie.